i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
