I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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