i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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