i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
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Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize