I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
