I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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