Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
