I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
