Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
