he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
