You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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