Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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