I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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