i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
