Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
