so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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