i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
