And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
