Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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