I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
