My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize