It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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