Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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