Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
