so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
