nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
