She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
