there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
