And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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