YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
