i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
