i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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