Me too!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
