we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
