Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My vagina is officially offended.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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