She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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