why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
