I think i peed on brittanys purse
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
