pop tarts are not kleenex
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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