Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
