She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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