I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
