I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
