is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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