Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
