So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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