i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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