My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
