Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
