I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
