So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
