Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
