Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
