So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
