did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
