I am in a vortex of obligation.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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