life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
