I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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