just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
