There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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