Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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