Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize